tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89355923803331828252024-03-07T22:14:16.803-08:00Exactly Approximatecassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.comBlogger51125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-87326277668168770922017-11-01T07:16:00.001-07:002017-11-01T07:16:22.523-07:00Announcing: Creative Empathy!<br />
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Here's how it works: I encourage my friends to make a new, unplanned donation to an organization helping people <u>who are unlike them</u>. This could be support for relief efforts in Puerto Rico, Black Lives Matter, or any other organization of their choice. The idea is to open ourselves up to helping people who are different from us. In exchange, I will send my friends a handmade gift. The amount of the donation will remain private--that's between them and the organization. I did ask friends to share the name of the organization, in the hopes that we can all learn about new-to-us organizations that are helping others.<br />
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I've made a commitment to send 10 handmade gifts, and for now I am limiting this to my Facebook Friends.<br />
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If you're a maker, will you join in? If you share photos of your makes on instagram, let's use the hashtag #creativeempathy. And please follow me @exactlycassandra.<br />
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<br />cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-60912912826499442472016-04-03T06:30:00.000-07:002016-05-09T17:12:10.410-07:00Q1 and W.I.P.s -- that time I stopped finishing and got startedRemember I said I am a finisher? Yeah, well, just kidding. I currently have seven quilt projects going. SEVEN.<br />
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How did that happen? <br />
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Well, I did manage a few finishes from my <a href="http://exactlyapproximate.blogspot.com/2016/01/2016-finish-along-quarter-1.html" target="_blank">Q1 list</a>:<br />
1. A baby quilt for Jen. You'll just have to take my word for it because I have NO PHOTOS. As soon as it's gifted I'll snap some.<br />
2. A mini star quilt for Jean, a dear colleague. I'm so pleased with this. And unbeknownst to me, Jean collects textiles! WINNING.<br />
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But about those new projects... Right now my home is in chaos--a flurry of packing and repairs, in anticipation of moving at some point in the future. At the exact time we should be making order, my heart is bursting with inspiration and the desire to create. (I've also finished four pillows, two pouches and a wall hanging.) So I start and start and start. Without complaint.<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"> The finishes will come. (Update: I finished #6. See? I can do it.)</span><br />
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WIPs that will no doubt make it to my Q2 list:</div>
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1. A rainbow mini quilt for Mid-Atlantic Mod. You can see a peak on Instagram. In spite of my early start, I have a feeling I'll be finishing this under pressure before the April deadline.<br />
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2. Christmas sparkle punch: I lost steam as soon as I cut the billionty squares. I'm hoping to finish it by Christmas 2016. That gives me almost nine months. Totally doable.</div>
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3. <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BAsTun7h3Xp/?taken-by=pilarandolivia" target="_blank">Scrap vortex</a>. I got this one to a decent baby quilt size and packed it up. I could finish it, but I figure there will be more scraps to add so why not just take a break and come back to it later? </div>
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4. Scrappy nine patch. I started this a month or so ago on a whim. I love to play with scraps! I'm hoping to come back to this one soon.<br />
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<a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BC3KQI_h3W9/" style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" target="_blank">Scrappy improv. I have 47 nine patches that aren't big enough for a quilt on their own. Liking this scrappy log cabin effect... #scrapbusting #scrapquilt</a></div>
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A photo posted by Cassandra McKee (@pilarandolivia) on <time datetime="2016-03-12T17:46:51+00:00" style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px;">Mar 12, 2016 at 9:46am PST</time></div>
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5. Starry night BOM. Another whim. At least this one is monthly so I can pace myself!</div>
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A photo posted by Cassandra McKee (@pilarandolivia) on <time datetime="2016-02-15T18:26:10+00:00" style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px;">Feb 15, 2016 at 10:26am PST</time></div>
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6-7. More baby boy quilts. Why cut one when I can cut and piece two at the same time? These are simple patchwork quilts with 7.5" squares. One is for a colleague expecting this spring. The other is for a home tbd. So far I've got one <strike>ready for quilting</strike> finished (hooray!) and one ready for piecing.<br />
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A photo posted by Cassandra McKee (@pilarandolivia) on <time datetime="2016-03-04T02:00:25+00:00" style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px;">Mar 3, 2016 at 6:00pm PST</time></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13.2px; line-height: 18.48px;">Linking up with Debbie at A Quilter's Table for the <a href="http://aquilterstable.blogspot.com/2016/03/2016-finish-long-link-q1-finishes.html" target="_blank">2016 FAL Q1 finishes</a></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13.2px; line-height: 18.48px;">!</span></div>
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cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-8644013153991774222016-03-17T16:11:00.000-07:002016-03-18T04:16:34.226-07:00The New (2016) Version of Me<br>
Any Felicity fans out there?<br>
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This post is long overdue.<br>
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These
photos -- the first/best photos of me since cutting, losing and
regrowing my hair -- were taken back in November. That feels like eons
ago. Since then I've had two hair cuts!<br>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Hg307gTIk5E/Vus1GbTqGlI/AAAAAAAAAro/NCaYgFptNn0sHXQr1iJsRpgRAbppkhTzg/s1600/Cudlin2015-86.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Hg307gTIk5E/Vus1GbTqGlI/AAAAAAAAAro/NCaYgFptNn0sHXQr1iJsRpgRAbppkhTzg/s400/Cudlin2015-86.jpg" width="400"></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>New version of me, November 2015</i></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>This is 40. And a half.</i></td></tr>
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A
friend of mine, Elise, took these photos. I remember feeling happy and
free and beautiful that day, and when I look at these photos I see that
in my face.<br>
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But the truth is, I am still grieving my
old self while I am learning to love my new self. It is hard to look at
old photos and see the old me. The youthful me, with long, brown hair. I
am not quite used to seeing myself with short hair. I am not used to
seeing myself so gray. I am not used to seeing so much of my face. I am
not used to seeing my body so soft. The newness is hard. Change is
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When I opted to remove my ovaries and
tubes -- to willingly enter menopause at 40 -- I didn't consider the
emotional impact. I prepared myself for (some of) the physical changes,
but I didn't prepare myself for how I'd feel about them. It's not just
the hair, it's the aging that happened overnight.<br>
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I
could just dye my hair (again). And I can grow it out. I can exercise
more. I might do all of these things. And don't get me wrong, I do love
me. I just got a hair cut I love (it's short and not wavy!). I don't
even mind the sparkle. It's a process, though.<br>
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When she
learned of my diagnosis, Elise offered to take family photos as a gift
to me. We finally made it happen this past November when the whole family was in NJ. I think we were a little more than she
bargained for: in addition to my husband and two boys, I brought along
my parents, my sister, my brother in law, my brother, and Odin the dog.<br>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LnmrYJ0bIHw/Vus14AZlf3I/AAAAAAAAAr4/otIaTHM4JqEBNiv0bsOn-NFfMQjGRYjFA/s1600/PeggyDingChu-276.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LnmrYJ0bIHw/Vus14AZlf3I/AAAAAAAAAr4/otIaTHM4JqEBNiv0bsOn-NFfMQjGRYjFA/s320/PeggyDingChu-276.jpg" width="320"></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>The family. </i></td></tr>
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Odin was my brother Pete's dog. Pete died in November 2013, and Odin now lives with my parents. Having
Odin at the photo shoot was a way to honor Pete's memory and made taking
family photos after such a great loss a little more bearable.<br>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Look at this face! I love you, Odin!</i></td></tr>
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In
December I gifted to Elise a quilt for her new studio space. It was so
good for my soul to make something for her to honor her gifts and our
friendship. Would you believe I forgot to take photos of it? Here's hoping Elise reads this and sends me a beautiful photo to share with you. :)<br>
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If you ever have reason to be in Northern New Jersey, check out <a href="http://www.elisecampbellphotography.com/" target="_blank">Elise Campbell Photography</a>.<br><br>cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-25347824298537918402016-01-09T17:16:00.000-08:002016-03-17T16:31:55.299-07:002016 Finish Along -- Quarter 1<blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-version="6" style="background: #FFF; border-radius: 3px; border: 0; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 658px; padding: 0; width: -webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width: 99.375%; width: calc(100% - 2px);">
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A photo posted by Cassandra McKee (@pilarandolivia) on <time datetime="2016-01-10T01:22:45+00:00" style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px;">Jan 9, 2016 at 5:22pm PST</time></div>
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My sister surprised me with a Go! Fabric Cutter by Accuquilt for Christmas. This thing is incredible! My boys love to crank it and together we have cut hundreds of squares. The Go! came with a die for two different sized squares and one half-square triangle, but I ordered the 3.5" square die with my Christmas sparkle punch quilt in mind. Truthfully, it's a little inefficient (I cut my strips an extra 1/4" to make sure I fully cover the die), but I can see how it will save me a lot of time -- especially cutting scraps. Plus, it's so fun.<br />
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I started sewing the wonky stars for the Christmas quilt last week, but that quilt was put on hold today while I started a new project: a wonky star mini for Jean (shown above). A colleague of mine loves the color teal, which happens to be one of my favorite colors, too. She's planning a job change, so I'm going to surprise her with a little wall hanging. It's looking great so far, and I'm excited to gift it to her. Oh, I love the lazy days of winter. It was so good to spend the day sewing.<br />
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Once again I'm participating in the Finish Along to help keep me on track with my goal to finish all of my projects.<br />
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Here's my list of finishes for the First Quarter of the 2016 Finish Along. I am keeping it real and not including the stacks of fabric I have for imaginary projects.<br />
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1. <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BAVQ8Vqh3XB/?taken-by=pilarandolivia" target="_blank">Wonky star mini</a> for Jean. This mini is inspired by our mutual love of the color teal. I'm loving how it is coming along. I pulled fabric from my AMH stash, hit my pile of 3.5" scrap squares, and added a few 5" charms. I cut into some yardage, but not a lot. It will be so nice to have a finish this week! Yes, this week. I can do it.<br />
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2. Baby boy quilt for Jen. No idea what it'll look like, but I love the <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/_kZmQBh3Ro/" target="_blank">fabric pull</a> so that's a good start.<br />
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3. Christmas sparkle punch quilt (<a href="http://www.ohfransson.com/all-projects/sparkle-punch-quilt" target="_blank">pattern</a> by Elizabeth Hartman/Oh Fransson!). Most of the squares are cut! Realistically, this won't get done until the second quarter at the earliest. I'm thinking I'll take it to the Mid-Atlantic Mod retreat in April.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BpNsoQcjwrs/VpGwi99qupI/AAAAAAAAApc/VzHAB9e8hSs/s1600/sparklepile.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BpNsoQcjwrs/VpGwi99qupI/AAAAAAAAApc/VzHAB9e8hSs/s320/sparklepile.jpg" width="289" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>May not look like much, but that's over 600 squares!</i></td></tr>
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4. <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/_nEPCjB3ZH/?tagged=scrapvortexqal" target="_blank">scrap vortex</a> quilt, (following the <a href="http://crazymomquilts.blogspot.com/2015/06/scrap-vortex-qal-week-one.html" target="_blank">tutorial</a> by Amanda Jean at Crazy Mom Quilts). I've got hundreds of quads sewn. That's something, right? As with the Christmas quilt, this one is unlikely to be finished this month. But never say never...<br />
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Linking up with Debbie at A Quilter's Table for the <a href="http://aquilterstable.blogspot.com/2016/01/2016-finish-long-q1-now-open.html" target="_blank">2016 Finish Along</a>!<br />
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<br />cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-35399065586608682332016-01-05T16:07:00.000-08:002016-03-17T16:32:31.759-07:002016 Sewing Goals<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Doll quilt for P. Sleeping lizard!</i></td></tr>
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What will 2016 have in store? I'm expecting to do a little less sewing this year, to make room for travel and other adventures. With the time I do sew, I'd like to be intentional about these things:<br />
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1. Continue finishing. I have been very good about finishing what I start, and I hope to keep up that trend. <br />
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2. Embrace improv and sew less from other people's patterns. I whipped up the doll sleeping bag/quilt in a morning. No pattern, just free sewing. It was glorious. <br />
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3. Try triangles. I've been admiring equilateral triangle quilts for years and think I'm finally ready to give one a try!<br />
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4. Sew my stash. I'm not going to commit to buying no new fabric, but I'd like to limit my fabric buying as much as possible. I've got more than enough novelty prints to last me a lifetime, and my scrap bins are overflowing. But I'll probably need a solid or low volume print here and there to finish up projects. Birthday gifts don't count, right? April is around the corner...<br />
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5. Be brave. I'm borrowing this from Melanie Tuazon who has a great post about her <a href="http://melintheattic.com/2016/01/05/rules-for-2016/" target="_blank">rules for 2016</a> and includes "dare to be awesome". I'm going to focus my bravery on swaps which routinely give me anxiety (is my work good enough, will the recipient like it, etc.). I signed up to participate in the swaps when I attend the Mid Atlantic Mod Retreat this spring, as a way to challenge myself. <br />
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That's it! What are you planning for 2016? </div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-O1oj1KVfv1w/Vog_aZHs92I/AAAAAAAAApA/EZQNyOIdzNg/s1600/IMG_1897.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-O1oj1KVfv1w/Vog_aZHs92I/AAAAAAAAApA/EZQNyOIdzNg/s320/IMG_1897.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Doll quilt -- flip side</i></td></tr>
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cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-75815135756921934282016-01-02T12:07:00.005-08:002016-03-17T16:33:31.204-07:002015 Wrap Up -- Determination<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5n8xHCCJSxM/VogsLy7CvcI/AAAAAAAAAoM/BV2oklOrrWo/s1600/Image-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5n8xHCCJSxM/VogsLy7CvcI/AAAAAAAAAoM/BV2oklOrrWo/s320/Image-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></td></tr>
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<br />
WHEW! Happy New Year, friends! What a difference a year makes. Last January I was reeling from my breast cancer diagnosis ("<a href="http://exactlyapproximate.blogspot.com/2014/12/cruella-de-vil.html" target="_blank">Cruella</a>") in December, learned that I carry the BRCA2 mutation, and was preparing for the first of four (!) surgeries. That time feels both far away and not so long ago.<br />
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I've been writing and re-writing my thoughts about 2015, and I haven't quite found the words to express what I'm feeling. I thought I'd be rushing to the new year, but as happy as I am to be closing the cancer chapter of my life, my feelings about the year are overall pretty positive. Seems strange, but it's true. I'm grateful to have learned so much about myself, and to have experienced the support and friendship of so many. SO many. I feel grateful and lucky.<br />
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Last year I chose "determination" as my word and I was certainly determined. I planned to make six quilts and finished 14. All while working a full-time job, parenting two small kids, and
undergoing cancer treatment. (I made 12 in 2014 and didn't expect to beat
that, but turns out sewing is excellent therapy.) <br />
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I planned to recap my 2015 goals and sewing to do list, but that seems boring so instead I'll tell you about some of my favorite finishes.<br />
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1. Greatest Hits: an improv scrap quilt of Anna Maria Horner prints, with a few Tula Pink prints thrown in. I struggled with this quilt -- couldn't figure out how to make it work. Usually I would force it to get to the finish, but this time I let it sit until I could see how it was meant to be. Finished in December 2015 and gifted to Caroline. One of three projects for the <a href="http://exactlyapproximate.blogspot.com/2015/10/q4-finish-along.html" target="_blank">Q4 Finish Along</a>.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-X5qzWjIGZuw/VogqRMYIaDI/AAAAAAAAAn8/1FmLG8Q9uVk/s1600/IMG_1808.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-X5qzWjIGZuw/VogqRMYIaDI/AAAAAAAAAn8/1FmLG8Q9uVk/s320/IMG_1808.JPG" width="259" /></a></div>
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2. Husband of the Year: a quilt for the Husband. My best work to date. <a href="http://exactlyapproximate.blogspot.com/2015/12/finished-quilt-for-husband-of-year.html" target="_blank">Blogged</a>. Also one of my goals for Q4 of the Finish Along.<br />
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3. Plus Quilt 4: a baby quilt for Maude. I loved the ease of pulling fabrics in the same color. This was no-pressure sewing at its best! See also my <a href="http://exactlyapproximate.blogspot.com/2015/08/summer-recap-and-finishes.html" target="_blank">Cotton + Steel plus quilt</a> and <a href="http://exactlyapproximate.blogspot.com/2015/09/a-quilt-for-t.html" target="_blank">a quilt for T</a>. <br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WVFSYx60S94/VogqQrBYBWI/AAAAAAAAAoA/jASDm1kUbUA/s1600/IMG_1805.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WVFSYx60S94/VogqQrBYBWI/AAAAAAAAAoA/jASDm1kUbUA/s320/IMG_1805.JPG" width="282" /></a></div>
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4. Unicorn Quilt for Jane: This was my first finish of the year, and it's one of my favorites. I'm so proud of how it came together. <a href="http://exactlyapproximate.blogspot.com/2015/01/first-finish-of-2015-secret-blogs.html" target="_blank">Blogged</a>. <br />
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How about you? What was your word for 2015? Did it ring true? Here's to your health and happiness in a new year!<br />
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Linking up with the 2015 Finish Along hosted by Adrienne at <a href="http://www.onthewindyside.co.nz/" target="_blank">On the Windy Side</a>.<br />
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cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-36456537532430311462015-12-08T16:00:00.000-08:002016-01-02T11:47:08.254-08:00Finished: a quilt for the Husband of the Year!<div>
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PYbRtf6GUuk/Vmdt3Tf_eDI/AAAAAAAAAnA/KTW5BxJnJqo/s1600/husbandQ1.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="358" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PYbRtf6GUuk/Vmdt3Tf_eDI/AAAAAAAAAnA/KTW5BxJnJqo/s400/husbandQ1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Oh, yeah: I finished this back in October. My first finish in <a href="http://exactlyapproximate.blogspot.com/2015/10/q4-finish-along.html" target="_blank">Q4 of the 2015 Finish Along</a>!</div>
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No big news here, this was a rough year. Through it all I had a true champion and partner at my side.</div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">He's the love of my life. He makes me laugh and sing. He makes coffee in the morning, and dinner at night. He loves our boys and is the center of their world. He encourages me in all things. He takes "in sickness and in health" seriously.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">This quilt is my interpretation of the Framed Coins pattern in the book <u>Skip the Borders</u> by Julie Herman of</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"> <a href="http://www.jaybirdquilts.com/" target="_blank">Jaybird Quilts</a>. I love how it turned out. In fact, I think this is the best quilt I've ever made, so it's fitting that it now belongs to the person representing the best decision of my life. </span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">It came to life at the summer retreat I attended with my guild, DC Modern Quilt Guild. The Doe fabric line by Carolyn Friedlander confounded me for some time, but once I paired it with a few solids I saw its potential. I edited out a few prints, including the orange print which I added back at the last minute. It really pops against the marine solid, doesn't it? </span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">I managed to cut the entire quilt and piece all of the sections during the retreat. When I returned home I finished the top and matched it with Tula Pink's Free Fall in gray. I LOVE this line of wide quilt backs; it is a super soft sateen. </span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DEbFu2q1oTQ/VmduD27RWpI/AAAAAAAAAnM/b828N_D_PG8/s1600/HusbandQ2detail.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DEbFu2q1oTQ/VmduD27RWpI/AAAAAAAAAnM/b828N_D_PG8/s400/HusbandQ2detail.jpg" width="400" /></a></span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">It felt risky at the time, but I started on very dense quilting and am so glad I did. The texture is incredible. That said, the dense quilting is no joke: hours and hours and hours. It took a lot of perseverance to finish this baby.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Here's to the Husband of the Year!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lCrOmWevC_w/VmdubxpaXNI/AAAAAAAAAnY/dodFqDlUAPQ/s1600/HusbandQ3distance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lCrOmWevC_w/VmdubxpaXNI/AAAAAAAAAnY/dodFqDlUAPQ/s320/HusbandQ3distance.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Quilt! Landscaping! </i></td></tr>
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cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-22631895590225949232015-11-20T11:53:00.002-08:002015-11-21T05:30:27.191-08:00Gettin' Quilty: Works in Progress<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's been a while since I posted about my quilty progress. I still get hung up on my poor photography and I haven't been able to get outside to take decent photographs. You'll just have to bear with me, because there's a lot to document!<br>
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Right now I have
five different projects in the works. That's a lot for me. I'm a
finisher: I don't have a closet full of unquilted tops and I have only
one orphaned block. I sew a lot--most weekends and some during the
week--and have averaged one quilt per month for the last two years. I like to get things done, and having too many ongoing projects can get me down.<br>
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Two things I've learned about my <i>sewing personality</i>
are that I do like to have a few projects going (ideally in different
stages) to keep me motivated and inspired, and I like to work in stages
(i.e. get all of the piecing done before starting the quilting on any
one thing).</div>
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When I started my marathon sewing session last weekend, I had
one top ready for basting, two tops in the piecing stage, four placemats
in the quilting/binding stage, and one stack of scraps needing to be
pressed. I made progress on everything except the
scrap project--a scrap vortex quilt that will likely take me months to finish. I finished ALL of the piecing (scrap project not included)
before attaching my walking foot and starting on the quilting. </div>
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1. Greatest Hits Quilt -- I re-pieced the backing and basted it.</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-C3idxXphanU/Vk936gSAeSI/AAAAAAAAAlg/ypxpMuTgzQ0/s1600/IMG_1730.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-C3idxXphanU/Vk936gSAeSI/AAAAAAAAAlg/ypxpMuTgzQ0/s320/IMG_1730.JPG" width="240"></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>I had a little help with the basting.</i></td></tr>
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2.
A quilt for Elise -- A dear friend is a family photographer and
generously agreed to a trade. I pieced the whole top and pieced the
backing (minus a border requiring more fabric)! Pattern is Welded by Art
Gallery Fabrics. I mixed Kona white and steel with prints by Anna Maria
Horner, Carolyn Friedlander and Tula Pink. </div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DPH92mo8s-A/Vk9422TA9XI/AAAAAAAAAl0/HPW01yWBVMc/s1600/IMG_1731.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DPH92mo8s-A/Vk9422TA9XI/AAAAAAAAAl0/HPW01yWBVMc/s320/IMG_1731.JPG" width="240"></a></div>
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3. A quilt for a baby girl -- I pieced the strips together and pieced a backing. Now it waits for basting!</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-a23SKacZ038/Vk94FkfZgSI/AAAAAAAAAlo/T4WW0VcCl9U/s1600/IMG_1735.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-a23SKacZ038/Vk94FkfZgSI/AAAAAAAAAlo/T4WW0VcCl9U/s320/IMG_1735.JPG" width="320"></a></div>
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4. Placemats -- I finished the quilting on two, and starting binding this set of four. </div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wTo9nQg7Tmo/Vk942iwz2xI/AAAAAAAAAl4/vNYHe749Uvg/s1600/IMG_1729.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wTo9nQg7Tmo/Vk942iwz2xI/AAAAAAAAAl4/vNYHe749Uvg/s320/IMG_1729.JPG" width="240"></a></div>
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Whew. I'm hoping to make a little more progress this weekend, and to get all four of these projects done before Christmas (although technically only one is a holiday gift). I think I can do it if I resist the temptation to start new projects!</div>
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Happy weekend, all!</div>
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cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-58682863309557892222015-10-28T16:15:00.000-07:002015-10-28T16:15:29.160-07:00On love and loss. For mom.<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aQawHuK6LoU/VjFUVJP6gQI/AAAAAAAAAkg/wHwHRA0bGnQ/s1600/me%2Band%2Bmom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aQawHuK6LoU/VjFUVJP6gQI/AAAAAAAAAkg/wHwHRA0bGnQ/s320/me%2Band%2Bmom.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Mom and me, circa 1975</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My mom would have been 70 years old this month.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She has been gone 32 years and yet, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">sometimes the feeling of loss is so strong it surprises me. </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When I think of my mom I give thanks for my life and my family. I remember that she called me "muffin." I remember when she cut her hair short and then shorter. I remember my eighth birthday party, her resting on the couch while I opened my presents and me not knowing I had only ten more days to share with her. I remember that I always felt loved. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I realize how little I know about her or am likely to ever know. I wonder what kind of birthday cake she liked, and what her favorite flavor of ice cream was. I wonder if any of her relatives had blue eyes like my boys. I wonder what our last words were to each other, and if I was brave enough to say goodbye or to tell her that I love her. I think about myself -- how I am strong, sensitive, and self-aware. I wish she could tell me that I am smart, I am beautiful, I am a good mom. I wish I had inherited her straight nose. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I wish she could sew with me. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I wish she was here.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222;">In July I attended a training and the ice breaker exercise was to “tell your story” about why you do the work you do. We had no prep time, so out popped the raw, unfiltered truth: I was drawn to social justice work because the world has never been the way it was supposed to be. Losing my mom upended my life. Doing this work is an act of self-preservation: the best way to avoid being fully consumed by grief is to work to make this world a little better. My voice cracked, tears sprung in my eyes, and I was absolutely mortified and shocked by this deep truth and to have shared it with virtual strangers.</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222;">When my mom was dying of breast cancer, she arranged for her best friend to adopt me and my brother. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222;">I was eight and my brother was five.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #222222;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222;">We were raised in a loving household with two siblings. We are a family born out of loss and love. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My boys are now six and four. I am filled with conflicting emotions, wanting to both slow down time because we are here, together, and wanting to speed it up so I can guarantee that I will be with them longer. That we will survive together. Since my diagnosis it feels like the clock is always ticking, ticking, ticking: at any moment the cancer could come back. I can quiet the noise, but it never fully goes away. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Over these last few years I have found myself marking my lifetime against her lifetime. First it was turning 37, her age at death, then outliving her at 38, my diagnosis at 39. For many years I had so little connection to her and then BAM! She is here with me, all the time. Some days it feels like I am living her life, making her hobbies my own, being her do-over. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On reflection, my family rarely talked about my mom when I was growing up. We didn’t hang photos of her. Most of our energy went into creating our “new” family. I wish we had found a way to create space for her in our family – the family created by her love. I wish my boys could know her, know how much her love for me is in my love for them. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I sat on this post for a few weeks because I couldn't find the right photo of her to share. The photos I wish I had don't exist. (We can blame the 70s. Also, cancer.) But tonight, over dinner, I am going to share the photos I do have with my boys. And I will tell them everything I can remember about my mom, but mostly that she loved me, and I loved her, and I love them. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In memory of my mom, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Christine Elaine (</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">October 16, 1945-April 12, 1983). </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Mom and me, Christmas 1975</i></td></tr>
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<br />cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-23071226813805843932015-10-12T00:30:00.000-07:002015-10-15T15:54:01.664-07:00100 Quilts for KidsDo you know about <a href="http://www.quiltsinthequeue.com/p/100-quilts-for-kids.html" target="_blank">100 Quilts for Kids</a>?<br />
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Each year the DC Modern Quilt Guild hosts this charity sewing event, and donates quilts to kids in need. This year our quilts were donated to DC General. 119 quilts were linked up this year (some donated to the charity of the maker's choosing)!<br />
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Last year was my first year contributing. I made a baby quilt on my own and contributed blocks to a group quilt. This year I've done the same.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hEYJecnJXKQ/Vhl71dDwMDI/AAAAAAAAAjo/0cXDZs-kApM/s1600/IMG_1511.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hEYJecnJXKQ/Vhl71dDwMDI/AAAAAAAAAjo/0cXDZs-kApM/s320/IMG_1511.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Photo by DCMQG President Melinda, <a href="http://quirkygranolagirl.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Quirky Granola Girl</a>.</i></td></tr>
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I found these orphaned, scrappy log cabin blocks while cleaning up my supply bins. I made them at least a year ago. They didn't speak to me then, but when I found them I thought they'd be perfect for a baby quilt--and I had just enough!<br />
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This taupe-ish-gray border is the same solid I originally used to sash my <a href="http://exactlyapproximate.blogspot.com/2015/07/back-to-square-one.html" target="_blank">scrappy Anna Maria Horner coin quilt strips</a>. I still don't love it, but I wanted to use what I have. Besides, white sashing really isn't practical for a baby quilt... right?<br />
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A few people asked me about the quilting: it is the squiggle stitch programmed on my machine. It's nice to switch it up sometimes. :)<br />
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You can see some of the fabulous quilts on Instagram, <a href="https://instagram.com/explore/tags/100quilts4kids/" target="_blank">#100quilts4kids</a>.<br />
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<br />cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-24523297329532161152015-10-10T13:42:00.001-07:002015-10-28T15:29:46.243-07:00Q4 Finish AlongIt's the last quarter of 2015! Hallelujah. I cannot wait to kick this year to the curb.<br />
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Last year I finished 12 quilts and I'm on track to at least match that this year.<br />
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Here's my Finish Along list for Q4:<br />
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1. AMH Greatest Hits: I am finally going to get this done! After lots of heartburn I finished a top and just need to get it quilted and bound. Woot!<br />
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2. Husband of the Year (Doe): this one is quilted and ready to be bound!<br />
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3. Wanderer Placemats: first and possibly only holiday gift I'll make this year.<br />
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That's it. I got so much done in Q3 that I have only these projects in the works right now. In fact, not only did I get three finishes from my official list done, I managed to whip up two additional baby quilts. Go me!<br />
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I do have quite a few fabric piles by my machine, but I haven't landed on a design for any of them yet.<br />
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A. Lizzy House Natural History -- to be a quilt for M! He wants to add in robots. I can't decide if I'll stick to the blues and greens or use all of the colors in this line. Hmm...<br />
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B. Christmas quilt! I've got some of Tinsel by Cotton + Steel, as well as a few Anna Maria Horner prints that are destined to be a holiday quilt.<br />
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C. The Anna Maria Horner king quilt. I'll probably end up going with big squares for this one. I've been hoarding prints from a variety of her lines to make a giant quilt for our bed.<br />
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I'm looking for patterns appropriate for large-scale designs/big blocks. Any ideas?<br />
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Linking up to the 2015 Finish Along hosted by <a href="http://www.onthewindyside.co.nz/" target="_blank">On the Windy Side</a>. cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-9284368017827314282015-09-19T09:16:00.001-07:002015-09-19T09:16:23.370-07:00A quilt for T.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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"They lived and laughed and loved and left." --James Joyce<br />
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My friend's 16-year-old son died last month in a tragic accident. He loved his family, friends, and basketball, and he was a kind, sweet kid. It is still hard to believe that he is gone, and my heart aches for my dear friend T.<br />
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What do you do when the unthinkable happens? What do you say?<br />
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I couldn't be there with her, so I sewed. And sewed. And sewed. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AUHsqBgSzCA/Vf2HRiOTJtI/AAAAAAAAAh0/FI6dmdykA5U/s1600/FullSizeRender-3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AUHsqBgSzCA/Vf2HRiOTJtI/AAAAAAAAAh0/FI6dmdykA5U/s400/FullSizeRender-3.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Snuggle-testers at work.</i></td></tr>
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I cut the fabric 1-2 years ago with plans to make a plus quilt using the same Jeni Baker pattern I used for <a href="http://exactlyapproximate.blogspot.com/2015/08/summer-recap-and-finishes.html" target="_blank">this one</a>. I laid the squares out on top of the original plus quilt, which made the layout go quick and easy. For the backing I used the new 108" Free Fall quilt backing by Tula Pink. It is soft with a satin-like finish. I bought it on sale from my favorite local online shop, <a href="http://www.delrayfabrics.com/shop/product/free-fall-sky/" target="_blank">Del Ray Fabrics</a>. (Spoiler: I bought it in gray, too, for the Husband of the Year/Doe quilt.) I love it, and it made this quilt come together very quickly.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-i73B4ohZQpA/Vf2HRt-NKPI/AAAAAAAAAh8/jdgK5UuhRS8/s1600/FullSizeRender-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-i73B4ohZQpA/Vf2HRt-NKPI/AAAAAAAAAh8/jdgK5UuhRS8/s320/FullSizeRender-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>H. Quilt burrito.</i></td></tr>
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I am wrapping my friend in a quilt hug. And I am holding her in my heart until I can hold her in my arms.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ACbF2f_BrSs/Vf2HRQYP7aI/AAAAAAAAAiI/ry-tGOd3dVY/s1600/FullSizeRender-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ACbF2f_BrSs/Vf2HRQYP7aI/AAAAAAAAAiI/ry-tGOd3dVY/s320/FullSizeRender-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Pilar, helping me bind.</i></td></tr>
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cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-62935235940213436972015-08-28T13:08:00.001-07:002015-10-04T07:40:05.064-07:00Summer Recap -- and Finishes!<div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-h3EK2LB8gII/VeC3CkOg_QI/AAAAAAAAAg8/3jMyYPv0D4k/s1600/IMG_1367.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-h3EK2LB8gII/VeC3CkOg_QI/AAAAAAAAAg8/3jMyYPv0D4k/s640/IMG_1367.JPG" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Cotton + Steel Plus Quilt</i></td></tr>
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I finally have some finishes, including three on my <a href="http://exactlyapproximate.blogspot.com/2015_07_01_archive.html" target="_blank">Finish Along list</a>!<br />
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A couple weekends ago I attended my first ever retreat, hosted by the DC Modern Quilt Guild. It was spectacular. A beautiful location near Harpers Ferry, WV. Fun and inspiring women. Lots of sewing time.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-V5YhX9vWi2w/VeC3Ax4PnzI/AAAAAAAAAgg/h8wqy69DFLk/s1600/IMG_1311.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-V5YhX9vWi2w/VeC3Ax4PnzI/AAAAAAAAAgg/h8wqy69DFLk/s640/IMG_1311.JPG" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Pieced backing for C+S Plus Quilt</i></td></tr>
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I quilted and bound the baby-sized Cotton + Steel plus quilt. I pieced a back for the throw-sized Cotton + Steel plus quilt -- and then basted it. I finally basted my Priory Square "Boxed In" quilt (pattern by Jaybird Quilts).<br />
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I also cut and started piecing a quilt using the Doe line by Carolyn Friedlander. This one is another pattern by <a href="http://www.jaybirdquilts.com/" target="_blank">Jaybird Quilts</a> from the book, <u>Skip the Borders: Easy Patterns for Modern Quilts</u>. The quilt in the book is made up in black, white and greens. I have to admit, I didn't love Doe when I first saw it, and I didn't love this quilt pattern, either. But I had a hunch that they were meant for each other. What do you think? <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FGuQX3e74x4/VeC3ByevYMI/AAAAAAAAAgs/ThT8Em0NFrs/s1600/IMG_1314.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FGuQX3e74x4/VeC3ByevYMI/AAAAAAAAAgs/ThT8Em0NFrs/s400/IMG_1314.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Doe quilt</i></td></tr>
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Originally I took out the orange print but I'm really glad I added it back in. It really pops, doesn't it? I've been won over by both Doe and this pattern. In fact, I love this quilt so much I'm giving it to my husband. I'm calling this one the "husband of the year" quilt. He earned it.<br />
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Since the retreat I have managed to finish both the Cotton + Steel and the Priory Square quilts! I've also finished the Doe top. So yeah, I've been doing a fair amount of sewing!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-d2cPuJ73RVU/VeC3C84FykI/AAAAAAAAAhA/ooXVnPlFVAk/s1600/IMG_1366.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-d2cPuJ73RVU/VeC3C84FykI/AAAAAAAAAhA/ooXVnPlFVAk/s640/IMG_1366.JPG" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Priory Square "Boxed In" Quilt</i></td></tr>
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Earlier this summer I visited a dear friend in beautiful Minneapolis, and then spent a week with my family at Lake Ontario in upstate New York. We go every summer but this year was especially fun. The good weather probably had something to do with it, and the boys are at "easier" ages... But I also went into vacation determined to have a good time and I swear it helped. Usually I get so stressed out that my husband doesn't want to do the things I want to do, or that the way we live is different from how my parents live. I'm a people pleaser and I live by "when in Rome," you know? This summer I just let everyone be. If we used up the paper towels? Who cares! If I wanted to swim and no one else did? I swam alone. And it was glorious. There was no sewing time on either trip, but there were trips to fabric stores. If you're ever in Minneapolis, I highly recommend <a href="http://shopcraftyplanet.com/" target="_blank">Crafty Planet</a>!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-A6Q1Q0lWjxg/VeC3A9fpZuI/AAAAAAAAAgk/P9HE8iB4eAk/s1600/IMG_1279.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-A6Q1Q0lWjxg/VeC3A9fpZuI/AAAAAAAAAgk/P9HE8iB4eAk/s400/IMG_1279.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Lake Ontario</i></td></tr>
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And that, friends, is a wrap. Happy summer, lovelies!<br />
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Linking to <a href="http://crazymomquilts.blogspot.com/2015/08/in-middle-quilt.html" target="_blank">Finish it up Friday</a> at Crazy Mom Quilts and <a href="http://myquiltinfatuation.blogspot.ca/2015/08/tgiff-is-on.html" target="_blank">TGIFF</a> at My Quilt Infatuation.<br />
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cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-37058827261867973622015-07-09T06:53:00.002-07:002015-07-14T09:04:02.847-07:00Back to Square OneUuuuuuuuugh. I have been making a lot of mistakes lately.<br />
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First there's the non-progress on my Anna Maria Horner Greatest Hits scrap quilt. Back in February I picked up some gray-ish/taupe-ish fabric for sashing. I cut it up and sashed the quilt. And then it sat. For months. (It is still sitting.) I never got around to adding the top and bottom sashing and finally realized why: because it is UGLY. Not only is the gray/taupe solid a bad color choice, the width of the sashing is all wrong -- way too wide. So now I need to rip it out and start over. This time I'm tempted to just sew the scrap columns together without sashing... Or, sash it with Kona Snow, 2 1/2 inches wide? Another color? I'm open to ideas; what do you think?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yX_njeWVELs/VZ57zJ3KXLI/AAAAAAAAAe0/E-ABjTa8Wzs/s1600/IMG_0212%2B%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yX_njeWVELs/VZ57zJ3KXLI/AAAAAAAAAe0/E-ABjTa8Wzs/s320/IMG_0212%2B%25281%2529.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Before I ruined it with ugly sashing. </i></td></tr>
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OK, so then I managed to finish the Priory Square quilt top using the Boxed In pattern from the book <i>Beyond Borders</i> by Julie Herman of Jaybird Quilts. It looks fantastic. However... there were a lot of piecing errors, and most of them due to my laziness with regards to a 1/4 inch seam. Amateur hour, I know. Fortunately, I was able to square the quilt up and the solid sashing throughout hides my mistakes.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7kjKFsVDyzE/VZ54niHwksI/AAAAAAAAAec/o3AefIIcdwI/s1600/IMG_1138.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7kjKFsVDyzE/VZ54niHwksI/AAAAAAAAAec/o3AefIIcdwI/s320/IMG_1138.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>All the pretty boxes!</i></td></tr>
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I wish I could say I learned my lesson with that quilt. Nope. I moved on to expand the Cotton + Steel plus quilt I started many moons ago. I took the perfect square and added columns. And when I tried sewing the new columns to the old square, the seams didn't line up. <a href="https://instagram.com/p/4eilnFB3fm/?taken-by=pilarandolivia" target="_blank">Not even close</a>. Yep. Now, I do use a guide and while my seams may not always be perfect scant 1/4 inches, usually things DO line up. However, in this case, I used my new machine (Kim Gordon) to piece the new columns... and I had used my old machine (Kitty) to piece the original square. Different machines, different guides. I just wasn't thinking.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ObunaI5IXGk/VZ543gb3msI/AAAAAAAAAek/TPoegC1gGFw/s1600/IMG_0401.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="310" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ObunaI5IXGk/VZ543gb3msI/AAAAAAAAAek/TPoegC1gGFw/s320/IMG_0401.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>The original baby-sized square with pretty seams.</i></td></tr>
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I got verrrrrry familiar with my seam ripper this past week. I wanted to forge ahead with the project and disregard the mistakes. I tried to get comfortable with that path. But--and I think this is a sign of growth--I couldn't do it. So I ripped out the entire new section, but I kept the original square and will finish it off into a baby quilt. Which is what it was originally going to be anyway. And, because I can't get this color story out of my head and I don't want all of those squares to go to waste, I not only retrimmed the new section, I cut out the squares to remake the old section. Once I get it all stitched up I'll still only be halfway done with the new, larger quilt, but I think it'll be worth it in the end.<br />
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Whew. I wish I could say those were the only mistakes I've made, but there have been others. "Learning opportunities." Uh huh. I'm learning a lot. Hey, I'm happy to report that in between <strike>making errors</strike> learning opportunities I finally took the time to figure out the needle positions for a perfect 1/4 seam on Kim Gordon. (Side bar: isn't it annoying that a 1/4 inch foot doesn't make a 1/4 seam without some adjusting?!) SUCCESS!<br />
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On that note, here's my Quarter 3 Finish List. I've got the DCMQG sewing retreat in August and hope to get some quality stitching, so here's hoping there are a few finishes!<br />
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Priory Square quilt (above) -- piecing done; needs to be basted and quilted<br />
Cotton + Steel (baby) plus quilt -- time to baste and quilt that baby!<br />
Cotton + Steel plus quilt (the re-do) -- piecing in progress<br />
AMH greatest hits scrap quilt -- let's not talk about it.<br />
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Project Piles:<br />
Natural History twin quilt for M -- pattern picked<br />
AMH mixed up king quilt<br />
Doe strip quilt<br />
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Linking up to <a href="http://www.onthewindyside.co.nz/p/2015-finish-along.html" target="_blank">On the Windy Side for the 2015 Finish Along Q3</a>!<br />
<br />cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-10944502987846965802015-06-11T16:11:00.000-07:002015-06-11T16:11:34.356-07:00For the love of quilters and unicornsThis.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KwkLzg3MhGA/VXoRCNF9ZjI/AAAAAAAAAdM/t82LiG-ozSQ/s1600/IMG_0996.JPG" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KwkLzg3MhGA/VXoRCNF9ZjI/AAAAAAAAAdM/t82LiG-ozSQ/s640/IMG_0996.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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This quilt is a gift to me from the <a href="http://dcmodernquiltguild.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">DC Modern Quilt Guild</a>. It is like a big, quilted hug from new friends. Guild members contributed blocks and Carissa, Vice President of the Guild, coordinated, pieced and quilted it. Every time I look at this quilt, I see something new. I am so thankful to have found this quilty home in the DCMQG.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eclvZDMOO_s/VXoRCbxowcI/AAAAAAAAAdc/BSOWRuILCoc/s1600/IMG_0999.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eclvZDMOO_s/VXoRCbxowcI/AAAAAAAAAdc/BSOWRuILCoc/s400/IMG_0999.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Isn't this bag amazing? Do you see the tiny square of green? LOVE.</i></td></tr>
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Before my diagnosis (breast cancer -- read more from <a href="http://www.exactlyapproximate.blogspot.com/2014/12/reality-check.html" target="_blank">here</a>) I had participated only sparingly in the Guild. I didn't know more than a few of our members. One of the unexpected gifts of my treatment is that by standing out (hello, bald head), I was able to connect with people. I let down my guard, told my story, and let people in. I made friends! It has been so fun getting to know other people who love quilting. The DCMQG has been a not insignificant part of my recovery -- connecting offline, having the meetings to look forward, and finally attending a meeting before my final treatment, and again after it.<br />
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My first mom -- a quilter and a beautiful life lost to breast cancer -- loved unicorns. One of my last memories of her is that she had a stuffed unicorn beside her bed. I don't know what meaning unicorns had for her, but they will always remind me of her and our connection. Seeing the unicorn in this quilt was, well, pretty awesome.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2q4URV64hPs/VXoR2XgA0cI/AAAAAAAAAds/k4mvZ4kNEIU/s1600/unicorn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2q4URV64hPs/VXoR2XgA0cI/AAAAAAAAAds/k4mvZ4kNEIU/s320/unicorn.jpg" width="313" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mogGOPdNNHE/VXoRCI5xViI/AAAAAAAAAdk/bgevvHXR9dA/s1600/IMG_1001.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mogGOPdNNHE/VXoRCI5xViI/AAAAAAAAAdk/bgevvHXR9dA/s320/IMG_1001.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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In my twenties I sang in a band (don't get too excited -- we weren't very good; but thank you Sister and Sister's Friends for actually paying to hear us!). My favorite song of ours--our best song, if I dare say so--was "Unicorn Cat." I wrote it after a vivid dream in which my cat, yep, had a unicorn horn. It inspired a song about dreams, memories, and connecting with lost loved ones through the subconscious.<br />
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It began, <i>"I had a dream that I had a unicorn cat..."</i><br />
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But the best verse was this one:<br />
<i>"Elusive memories I trap inside when I close my eyes,</i><br />
<i>You appear to me in signs.</i><br />
<i>These glimpses of past and future fading into one,</i><br />
<i>No consciousness of time."</i><br />
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No, you can't download the song on iTunes. Ha! That's a funny thought. But the guitarist and I are plotting to record it. So we'll see. Crazier things have happened.<br />
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Thank you, Carissa and DCMQG, for creating this beautiful quilt for me! It is magical. XOXO<br />
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Linking up to <a href="http://quiltingjetgirl.com/2015/06/11/quilty-thankful-thursday-26/" target="_blank">Quilty Thankful Thursday</a> with so. much. gratitude.cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-46624790757827385672015-05-19T00:00:00.000-07:002015-05-20T16:36:46.319-07:00Fabric Frenzy<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5etEdm9QEWw/VV0Sl3qyfFI/AAAAAAAAAaw/VZ-9W-kMeKM/s1600/IMG_0984.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5etEdm9QEWw/VV0Sl3qyfFI/AAAAAAAAAaw/VZ-9W-kMeKM/s320/IMG_0984.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>A favorite pile.</i></td></tr>
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Quilt Market was last week. I've never been, will probably not go (being an amateur quilter and all -- level one forever, baby). Still, it's hard to ignore: for days all of my feeds were full of Quilt Market photos, fabric launches, fabric purchases, fabric designers, fabric giveaways, fabric, fabric, fabric. <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">It was too much, really. </span>Don't get me wrong, I love fabric! I love print and color and seeing what people are making. Yet <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">I am increasingly feeling overwhelmed by all of it, and no longer sure what my likes and dislikes are. </span><br />
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My Guild, DCMQG, is in the middle of a zipper pouch swap. Swaps are nerve-wracking, in my opinion (what if they don't like what I make?! What if they request something beyond my skills?! What if...?!), but I'm challenging myself to be a participator because I love this Guild. Anyway, swaps always get me thinking about my favorite designers and fabrics and whether I could name one print as being my absolute favorite.<br />
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Could you? Do you have a favorite fabric?<br />
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When I started sewing I fell madly in love with <a href="http://www.annamariahorner.com/productfabric.html" target="_blank">Anna Maria Horner</a> and her Field Study and Loulouthi lines. The throw quilt that sits on my bed remains my favorite quilt. I've started re-stashing many of the prints because the quilt brings me so much joy. Along the way, though, I've realized there are a few prints I can do without. And while I love all of them together, I'm not sure I could single out one print as my favorite. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-lN9JpS_FiKE/VVoIVUCou3I/AAAAAAAAAaY/cMjQhnl4JIo/s640/blogger-image--1322673222.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-lN9JpS_FiKE/VVoIVUCou3I/AAAAAAAAAaY/cMjQhnl4JIo/s640/blogger-image--1322673222.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Pilar on her (our) favorite quilt.</i></td></tr>
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I used to get so much joy out of fantasy fabric shopping. I'd visit my favorite online shops and fill up my cart with all of the prints. Echino, Anna Maria Horner, Lizzy House, Michael Miller novelty prints (I am a sucker for a good novelty print)... I still do this, usually lured in by a good sale, but it's more stressful and less fun. I am hyper-aware of how much fabric I've accumulated (still a fairly small stash, I think/hope), and I'm self-conscious about my choices. Do I love it, or is it just a fad? I'm often not sure.<br />
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At the last <a href="http://dcmodernquiltguild.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">DCMQG</a> meeting I sat next to <a href="http://www.maryfons.com/" target="_blank">Mary Fons</a> (Mary Fons!). She was working on a beautiful baby quilt of tiny nine-patches, sashed in black. Her fabrics were small-scale prints, the sort of prints I don't usually buy. Her quilting style is so unequivocally hers, it got me thinking about my own style and taste. And there I was, blazing through the quilting on a self-described rush job -- a baby quilt I had whipped up quickly without much consideration for design. And the quilt I showed to the group? My <a href="https://instagram.com/p/ysHBPHh3dd/?taken-by=pilarandolivia" target="_blank">Cotton + Steel plus quilt</a>, still in progress. I was a little embarrassed by how faddish it seemed.<br />
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So I've realized: I've been coasting through my quilting. Making without a lot of intention, rushing to the finish (I love the finish). Don't get my wrong, I've made a lot of beautiful things and I am proud of them. I've chosen some really lovely fabrics. And my sewing has improved with the practice I've gotten from all of this making. But I think it's time to find my quilting voice.<br />
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I've started cutting the fabric for a quilt that will be a gift to a dear family member. I took a lot of time deciding on the pattern ("Boxed In" by Julie Herman of <a href="http://www.jaybirdquilts.com/2012/03/coming-soon-to-bookshelf-near-you.html" target="_blank">Jaybird Quilts</a>, included in her book <u>Skip the Borders</u>), and I love the fabric I've chosen (<a href="http://www.liveartgalleryfabrics.com/priorySquare.html" target="_blank">Priory Square</a> by Katy Jones) and I know she will, too.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OIpJ1_Q0igM/VV0U2IZBaLI/AAAAAAAAAbA/ADS6Vs0zjhE/s1600/IMG_0985.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OIpJ1_Q0igM/VV0U2IZBaLI/AAAAAAAAAbA/ADS6Vs0zjhE/s320/IMG_0985.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Getting things squared away. Ha! </i></td></tr>
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But once I finish this project, I'm going to take a break from projects with self-imposed deadlines. I'm going to try to take some time to experiment and make what I love, and sew what I have. Which probably means a lot of simple patchwork with squares. For starters, I'm imagining a very large, king-sized quilt of 10-inch squares of my favorite Anna Maria Horner prints... OK, I admit it, I pulled that pile pictured at the top of this post expressly for the King quilt project. Seeing all the colors together makes me so happy. I should also finish my Greatest Hits scrap quilt. Greatest Hits = many favorites. And I'd like to finish the aforementioned Cotton + Steel plus quilt. It's not ALL Anna Maria Horner around here, after all. Heck, I've got a really pretty pile of <a href="http://andoverfabrics.com/Grid.php?GroupName=Natural%20History" target="_blank">Natural History</a> by Lizzy House that is destined for M's bed, you know, when I get to it. And one thing I'm sure about? HE will love it.<br />
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So, OK, I have some favorite designers, and maybe some favorite fabric combinations. I even have a favorite quilt. But I haven't found my one favorite fabric yet. Let me know if you find yours. I might try applying <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Life-Changing-Magic-Tidying-Decluttering-Organizing/dp/1607747308/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1431901364&sr=8-1&keywords=marie+kondo" target="_blank">Marie Kondo's</a> rules and ask myself of each print in my stash: Does this fabric spark my joy? It just might work.<br />
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cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-65287409918776934652015-05-18T09:46:00.000-07:002015-05-18T14:11:07.827-07:00Come On, Get Happy!<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-hcuaHOuLQ3M/VVkdTdv0eHI/AAAAAAAAAZs/BVfcY9r8h7w/s640/blogger-image-1987599252.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-hcuaHOuLQ3M/VVkdTdv0eHI/AAAAAAAAAZs/BVfcY9r8h7w/s640/blogger-image-1987599252.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div>My little guy is always looking for a smile. "You happy, mommy?" he asks. "Yes, I'm happy!" I reply, no matter what I was just thinking or if I was frowning. He grins and hugs me, and I am healed. In those moments I remember it really can be that easy to be happy.<br>
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And I am really happy. Do you see the <i>bow</i> I am wearing?! Is it not amazing?!<div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-uJWggvfpBI8/VVngF91mrlI/AAAAAAAAAaE/5zvK3uk6N54/s640/blogger-image-372925837.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-uJWggvfpBI8/VVngF91mrlI/AAAAAAAAAaE/5zvK3uk6N54/s640/blogger-image-372925837.jpg"></a></div><br>
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2015 has already been a pretty big year, between my surgery and treatments, turning 40, and celebrating 15 great years with the Husband. Through it all we've been surrounded by love and friendship. The really, really good stuff. My job continues to be amazing, stimulating and supportive. Our house is a home. My family is healthy and happy. My head is surprisingly round and smooth, and chemo made my skin beautiful! I have many reasons to be happy.<br>
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So this weekend we celebrated life and love with a party that brought our friends together, new and old. My brother, sister and brother-in-law drove down to be with us. I hired a dear friend, Lisa at <a href="http://www.thiscallsforaparty.com/celebrating-life--love.html" target="_blank">This Calls for a Party</a>, to plan and host the event. And we partied! (A little too hard, if we're honest -- yesterday was a sloooooow day.) My one regret is that we couldn't bring ALL of our friends together.<br>
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My cancer diagnosis was really, really shitty. Chemo was really, really shitty. Surgery was no picnic. The doctors appointments continue to seem endless. There are two more surgeries and a lifetime of surveillance ahead of me. It wouldn't be hard to focus on the pain, the inconvenience, the what-ifs... But I refuse to be held hostage by fear. So when H asks if I'm happy, I smile. And magically, I am transported to happiness.<div><br></div><div>You happy? <br>
<br></div></div>cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-38006934239017063482015-05-02T06:09:00.001-07:002015-05-03T08:44:10.305-07:00Digging a little deeper -- on communityI joined the BRCA Sisterhood, a private Facebook group for women who have a BRCA mutation or other hereditary breast or ovarian cancer(s). <div><br></div><div>I know, I just said the other day that I wasn't looking to connect with other survivors. </div><div><br></div><div>But the conversation I had with my colleague has stayed with me. Why have I resisted connecting with other women going through similar experiences?</div><div><br></div><div>I was afraid to admit this, but I think in part I fear being surrounded by cancer. I don't want cancer to define me, and yes--I am afraid of cancer. I want to run as far away from it, as fast as I can. </div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">A few weekends ago I attended my first DC Modern Quilt Guild meeting of the year. I joined the Guild almost two years ago but hadn't mentally committed to participate until recently. Earlier this year I started engaging with other members on Instagram. They embraced me, even though only a few could probably remember ever meeting me! And when I started documenting my cancer journey, they supported me. The Guild President sent me coffee and fabric for a head scarf. The Vice President reached out by email to check on me. And members cheered me on as I moved from surgery to chemo to recovery.</span><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Attending the meeting in April felt like a homecoming. I nearly burst into tears, walking into the room, hugging friends I hadn't met in person before. Community is amazing. </div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">That's the thing I do need: community. And I am grateful to have found it in different places--work, home, with friends, online, at DCMQG. Within these communities are, of course, other survivors. But the nature of our community is different. Our relationships aren't defined by cancer. That feels significant. </div></div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">I don't know what my participation will be like in the BRCA Sisterhood... but I am going to give it a try. Already it is clear that the group provides tremendous support to each other, to women at all stages of the journey. They are there if I need them and heck, I may have something to offer as well.</div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">I haven't figured it all out, but I'm getting there. It's a process, right?</div>cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-91608659267970891912015-04-30T16:17:00.001-07:002015-05-03T08:34:57.931-07:00Ring the bellI am done with chemo! Done, done, done! <div><br></div><div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-rLiCZUSTEGw/VUK6qiCXXHI/AAAAAAAAAYw/1vIcYyT-l0U/s640/blogger-image--1425465421.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-rLiCZUSTEGw/VUK6qiCXXHI/AAAAAAAAAYw/1vIcYyT-l0U/s640/blogger-image--1425465421.jpg"></a></div><br></div>"Ring this bell</div><div>Three times well</div><div>A toll to clearly say</div><div>This treatment's done</div><div>My course is run</div><div>And I am on my way"</div><div><br></div><div>Sure, by tomorrow I will be feeling crappy and sure, I'll miss out on a beautiful weekend, and sure, it'll be another 10days before coffee tastes good again, and sure, I still have two surgeries* to complete... but hey--I AM DONE! No more chemo!</div><div><br></div><div>This is big, right? There have been moments on this journey--heck a lot of moments--when it just didn't feel real. Right now it feels a bit like a movie. Like it's not happening to me. I am fine, I am healthy, I don't have cancer, what is happening?! But then I tell myself it is real. This is real. It isn't a stunt, it's not a movie, this is actually my life. How did that happen? (Don't answer that. I know: BRCA.)</div><div><br></div><div>Back in the fall, before the diagnosis, I had dinner with two of my closest friends. I was telling them that I was going to have a mammogram and how I wasn't worried, just routine, cancer was my mom's story, it isn't mine. (Are you cringing because you know how that ended?!) The truth is, her story has always been my story. Her cancer -- and subsequent death -- is <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">a defining chapter in my life. Finding out I had the BRCA mutation, that my mom likely had the BRCA mutation, was freeing. It explained this awful thing that happened to me. Not my cancer, my mom's cancer. If I had to have cancer myself to find that out, so be it. </span></div><div><br></div><div>A colleague asked me the other day if I had connected with other survivors. "No," I quickly said. And then I stumbled to say why not. I hadn't thought about why not! (Why hadn't I thought about it?!) So I gave a rambling explanation that focused on these three things, all true:</div><div>--My prognosis was always excellent.</div><div>--I'm HAPPY and in a great place emotionally to handle a crisis.</div><div>--I have an awesome support network. (Thank you, village!)</div><div><br></div><div>But the most truthful answer, the one I just now figured out, on this last day of chemotherapy, is this: I <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">have already survived cancer. It made me who I am. I've got 32 years of survivorship! I've GOT this. </span></div><div><br></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Suck it, chemo. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div>*Two more surgeries: one to get my new boobs, one to remove my ovaries. Addition, subtraction. </div><div><br></div></div>cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-62638768750726502592015-04-08T16:49:00.000-07:002015-04-20T06:24:45.952-07:00Sewing and other things<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">It's been a while! Time for an update. I've managed to sew a fair amount over the past month, but I've not taken any good photos. Do bad photos hold you back? I have serious angst about my poor photography, but I'm too lazy to do anything about it. I know, right now I can cut myself some slack (hello, chemotherapy, people!), but eventually I have got to do something about the bad photos. But I digress.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">BABIES are coming!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SANkTSntjFY/VSW5zyPxnZI/AAAAAAAAAXc/H1VwONsmzS4/s1600/storytimesquares.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SANkTSntjFY/VSW5zyPxnZI/AAAAAAAAAXc/H1VwONsmzS4/s1600/storytimesquares.jpg" height="308" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Storytime Squares Baby Quilt</i></td></tr>
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I've sewn three quilt tops for babies in less than a month. I finally finished quilting the first one (above), and I am really proud of it. I densely quilted straight-ish (cough, cough) lines and while it took FOREVER, it gave the quilt such an amazing texture. And it got even better after I washed it. I paired some adorable animal prints by Creative Thursday (Za Za Zoo line) with some Anna Maria Horner florals (a few from Pretty Potent and one Honor Roll print). I love them together! The recipient has done some work in Africa and I noticed both elephants and giraffes on her registry, so I think this will be a hit.<br />
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This was my first time sewing the <a href="http://www.made-by-rae.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/StorytimeSquaresQuiltbyRae.pdf" target="_blank">Storytime Squares</a> quilt by Made by Rae and I liked it well enough to make it again. It was more time consuming than my standbys, but when I'm not in a rush to meet a deadline that's okay. Would I do the dense quilting again? As much as I love the result, the time commitment is really daunting. So probably not any time soon.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Jvq7UCILAD0/VSW6rRZ1xBI/AAAAAAAAAXk/iwQ8DES-hXo/s1600/zebras.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Jvq7UCILAD0/VSW6rRZ1xBI/AAAAAAAAAXk/iwQ8DES-hXo/s1600/zebras.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Aren't these zebras adorable?</i></td></tr>
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Do you have go-to baby quilt patterns? I love the charms baby quilt pattern by Elizabeth Hartman who blogs at Oh, Fransson! Her blog is currently under construction but you can see other quilts using the pattern <a href="https://www.pinterest.com/grandmahelenc/quilts-charm-squares/" target="_blank">here</a>. I have made close to a dozen baby quilts using this pattern. It's quick, easy, and looks great. For the next baby quilt I pulled out the Za Za Zoo prints in blues and yellows and added in my favorite Michael Miller dot and a Lizzy House pearl bracelet. This quilt is for my cousin who is expecting her first baby, a boy.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SZqBc9JO8ME/VSW-KIWNLDI/AAAAAAAAAYE/GwaFCHPnrCs/s1600/charmquiltforbrittany.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SZqBc9JO8ME/VSW-KIWNLDI/AAAAAAAAAYE/GwaFCHPnrCs/s1600/charmquiltforbrittany.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Eek, this top needs a pressing!</i></td></tr>
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I used some of the leftovers to make two bibs and backed them with flannel from my first son's receiving blankets. (A friend recently told me the bibs I made are "the best bibs" they have. I'm not sure what makes them great, but if you're looking for a simple pattern try <a href="http://fourwisemonkeys.blogspot.com/2012/09/basic-bibs-pattern-and-tutorial.html" target="_blank">this one</a> by Rachel Measham-Pywell for Sew Mama Sew.)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BE1gWJSW9-A/VSW6xnYj8kI/AAAAAAAAAXw/Ix0blfVgDV4/s1600/bibs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BE1gWJSW9-A/VSW6xnYj8kI/AAAAAAAAAXw/Ix0blfVgDV4/s1600/bibs.jpg" height="286" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Wouldn't this zebra print make some awesome baby pants?</i></td></tr>
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Did I mention that I won the Creative Thursday fabric I used for those two quilts? A little over a year ago <a href="http://creativethursday.com/" target="_blank">Marisa</a> hosted a giveaway on her blog and my number came up on the random generator! Hooray! In addition to this adorable fat quarter bundle, she sent me an original painting, two books and a few other cute things. What an awesome prize. It took me a long time to figure out how to use the fabric, but once I divided the prints by color I was able to formulate a plan.<br />
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The third baby quilt is a simple strip quilt for a friend who loves yellow and doesn't know the gender of her baby. I don't have a lot of yellow, so I bought a Cotton + Steel basic to pair with the cute <a href="http://www.cottonandsteelfabrics.com/catalog/fabric/designer/3/?page=4" target="_blank">moon bunnies</a> print in the Mochi line by Rashida Coleman Hale. I added in some white and another Cotton + Steel print. It's not a "wow" quilt, but I think she'll like the simplicity -- and the yellow. Plus, I put together a <a href="http://www.noodle-head.com/2013/01/divided-basket-pattern.html" target="_blank">Divided Basket</a> by Anna @Noodlehead with more yellow and more bunnies and some Essex linen in denim. I love the result! Have you sewn this pattern yet? Because it is one of the best patterns out there. Don't take my word for it; give it a try!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qo151L5OJJU/VSW7oLaC2PI/AAAAAAAAAX4/kCX5R0kJPfw/s1600/bunnybasket.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qo151L5OJJU/VSW7oLaC2PI/AAAAAAAAAX4/kCX5R0kJPfw/s1600/bunnybasket.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Bunny Divided Basket (you can see the strip quilt in the background)</i></td></tr>
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All of the baby gifts are due in April, so I've really got to get quilting. The finished Storytime Squares quilt will be gifted tomorrow at a surprise baby shower for my coworker. I won't be there (chemo #3 -- see this post) but I'm really excited to hear how it is received. Making a quilt for a coworker I don't know well feels a little presumptuous and perhaps too generous? But I love making baby quilts and I know she'll appreciate the gesture.<br />
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And I'm just realizing that I am missing all three of the showers because chemo. Oh well. There will be many other opportunities to celebrate these babies!<br />
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And that's it. That's the sum total of my sewing lately. This first quarter of 2015 I completed just two out of five projects on my <a href="http://www.onthewindyside.co.nz/p/2015-finish-along.html" target="_blank">Finish-A-Long</a> <a href="https://instagram.com/p/xheh1VB3W5/?taken-by=pilarandolivia" target="_blank">list</a>. I missed the deadline to link them up, but I'll go ahead and claim them here anyway!<br />
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Q1 Finishes:</div>
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1. <a href="http://exactlyapproximate.blogspot.com/2015/02/slow-down-finish-and-bleach-out-story.html" target="_blank">Scrappy, wonky star pillow</a></div>
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2. <a href="http://exactlyapproximate.blogspot.com/2015/01/first-finish-of-2015-secret-blogs.html" target="_blank">The Unicorn Quilt</a></div>
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Q1 Unfinishes: </div>
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1. Anna Maria Horner Greatest Hits scrappy coin quilt.</div>
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2. Priory Square Quilt for someone dear.</div>
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3. Echino bird mini quilt. </div>
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I got a little off track at the beginning of the quarter and started a <a href="https://instagram.com/p/ysHBPHh3dd/?taken-by=pilarandolivia" target="_blank">Cotton + Steel plus quilt</a>, but I'm glad I followed my inspiration because it is a project I really love. And while I really should have anticipated the baby quilts (I'd have had a third finish!), I've now gotten a jump on two entries for Quarter Two. Go me!</div>
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Q2 Finish-A-Long List:</div>
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1. ZaZa Zoo charm square baby quilt for baby boy.</div>
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2. Cotton + Steel strip quilt for a friend's baby.<br />
3. Anna Maria Horner greatest hits scrappy coin quilt -- I need to square it up and add the top and bottom borders, and then quilt this baby.<br />
4. Cotton + Steel plus quilt -- Finishing this is a stretch, as I've got only one quarter done, and most likely I'll only get another quarter done by the end of June.<br />
5. Priory Square quilt -- the fabric is collecting dust while I waffle over what design to use. So this is a BIG stretch.<br />
6. Echino bird mini quilt. I made some progress in Q1 and just need to decide on how to finish it. So maybe?</div>
cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-1048344339851134242015-04-08T15:31:00.001-07:002015-04-20T06:23:47.328-07:00Past the halfway pointWow, it's been quiet here. I've been thinking about writing, but not doing the writing.<br />
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I've reached the halfway point!<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> Actually, I've past it. Tomorrow is my third chemo treatment (out of four). Today I am happy and feeling great. Today is the last day in what I've dubbed "the 10 days of awesome" -- the period when I feel normal again, before doing it all over again. I am grateful to have celebrated my birthday (40!) and my anniversary (15 years of love!) and Easter (with family!) while feeling absolutely great. It was just what I needed to get ready to do it all over again. </span><br />
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So, to kick off round 3, I'm going to let you in on the not so nice part of this experience. Here, friends, is the update I shared with the village following round 2. I'm happy to say things look and feel different two weeks later, but I know I'll be getting very familiar with the ugly again, this weekend.<br />
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And soon, friends, there will be the long overdue sewing update. Because incredibly, I have managed to do a fair amount.<br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">The second treatment was harder than the first. Chemo is not for wimps! I’ll say upfront: I’m OK, I’ll be OK, but writing this while in the aftermath of chemo means you’re getting a glimpse at the ugly and not all rainbows and sunshine. </span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br />I've been thinking a lot about language. I <u>had</u> cancer, not <i>I <u>have</u> cancer</i>. It's a subtle distinction that means a lot at a time when I am desperate to feel normal.<br /><br />Just a reminder: the doctors removed the cancer with surgery, and since the tests show no signs of cancer in my lymph nodes, they declared me cancer free. The chemo is purely extra credit. I'm not treating any cancer, and there won't be any tests to take at the end to tell me I’m cured. The chemo is only to decrease my risk of a recurrence.<br /><br />My balding head and days in bed make it hard even for me to comprehend. When I had cancer, I looked healthy. Now that the cancer is gone, I look and feel sick. </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Truthfully, no one can guarantee the cancer is gone. But I'm not willing to say "I might have cancer" until my 50th birthday (doctors use 10 year survival statistics). That's depressing! </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br />What's also depressing: my itchy, patchy, balding head. My three year old asking why daddy threw my hair away. Spending an entire weekend in bed and not on the playground with my boys. The white film on my tongue that I scrub and scrub and won’t go away -- and that makes everything taste bad. Feeling so crummy you can't help your amazing husband (who does <u>everything</u> and sweetly tells you it’s so you don’t have to worry). Turning 40 in two weeks and not wanting to celebrate because you look and feel terrible.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">It can't be all sunshine all the time. The good news is I will be feeling better in a few days. Food will taste good again. I’ll get a good night’s sleep, put on sparkly eye shadow, and go to the office. I'll regain my optimism and courage before I have to sit in the chair and do this all over again. Two more times. I can do it.</span></div>
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cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-86283646596190910942015-03-05T08:05:00.000-08:002015-05-18T05:52:12.681-07:00#100Days of ChemoI've been wanting to write an update about my sewing, but I haven't been sewing very much. I did manage to piece a baby quilt, but I have no good photos. I've also made some progress on my scrappy Anna Maria Horner "Greatest Hits" coin quilt, but I don't have photos of that, either.<br>
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No, life here has been consumed by chemo. I'm one week in. Only 11 more weeks to go!<div><br></div><div>The last few days have been hard. <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">The side effects I anticipated have mostly been mild. Some queasiness, some fatigue, achiness from the vitamin shot. Add to that interrupted sleep, an itchy scalp and a persistent bad taste in mouth, ruining everything I try to eat or drink. I just </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">don't feel like myself. I know it's unreasonable to expect to feel "good" during chemo, but I hadn't considered how several days of feeling off physically would impact me emotionally. I feel anxious not knowing what's coming next. Will I feel better in the two weeks before my next infusion? Will the next cycle be worse? I'm angry that I had a tiny, stage 1 cancer and I'm subjecting my body to this torture. I've complained endlessly about my "chemo mouth," when I am generally not a complainer. I've snapped at friends who were just trying to help or just being nice, because I just want to be normal.</span></div><div><br></div><div>But there is good news. I am enjoying a cup of coffee today for the first time in a week. And I'm thus determined to have a great day. To focus on the big picture instead of the discomforts of the next 77 days. <br><div><br></div><div>It's another snow day here in the nation's capital. I'd love to get the boys outside to enjoy the snow. We don't spend enough time in nature. It's criminal. I'd also love to get out some paint. It's grandma's birthday; maybe some card making? And there is sewing to do. I've got three baby quilts to make in April. Yikes. </div><div><br></div><div>Happy Friday! </div><div><br><br>
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</div>cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-61863379119824972992015-02-25T17:51:00.002-08:002015-02-25T17:51:57.064-08:00Hair.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My long hair is now short. And by the time I get used to seeing myself with this cut, my hair will be gone.<br />
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I haven't had short hair in 13 years. The fear that I wouldn't like it, knowing it would take so many months to grow back, always holds me back. <br />
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One of my strongest memories of my first mom is the day she cut her hair. She had long, straight, beautiful golden hair. When she came home from the salon with a shoulder-length shag cut -- it was the early 1980's -- I sobbed. Big, heavy sobs.<br />
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Losing my hair is the part of this whole cancer saga I've dreaded the most. The doctors try to reassure me, "This isn't your mother's chemo!" (Note: I think when they say this that they momentarily forget my mom was a real person who was treated with chemo) -- but they are quick to add I will still lose my hair. And based on some ill-advised internet research, the other side effects aren't fun, either. Body aches, BONE aches, fatigue, nails falling out...<br />
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Nope. This isn't my mom's chemo, but it won't be a walk in the park, either. Of course, after reading this <a href="http://touch.latimes.com/#section/-1/article/p2p-82876030/" target="_blank">Los Angeles Times editorial</a> (and necessary critique of breast cancer awareness trumping investments in research) by Laurie Becklund, I'm more determined than ever to <a href="http://exactlyapproximate.blogspot.com/2015/02/the-big-update.html" target="_blank">get my A in cancer recovery</a>. Because wow. While chemotherapy, treatment and diagnosis may have improved in the past 30 years, there's still a heck of a lot more to do before we can keep women truly safe. <br />
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This morning I told my kids I'd be getting a hair cut. "No, mommy! But you won't look like you!" M said. Fortunately he recovered by the end of the day and proclaimed the cut a success. And just as he's getting comfortable with the new mommy, we'll talk about the next mommy: bald mommy. Kids are resilient, I know. It still sucks.<br />
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I admit, it feels nice to have short hair. And while it will take many months to grow my hair back to this length, it will take a lot less time than it would to grow my long hair back.<br />
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<br />cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-18614575141707073342015-02-21T14:26:00.001-08:002015-02-21T14:26:53.372-08:00She's here! It's a Janome Skyline!She's here! Meet Kim Gordon, my new <a href="http://janome.com/en/machines/sewing/skyline-s5/" target="_blank">Janome Skyline S5</a>!<br />
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Oh, she is such a dream. The 1/4 in piecing foot is accurate! She has auto tension control! There is an adorable bow stitch!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Look at all of those stitches! And the auto-thread cutter!</i></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Just imagine the labels I could make!</i></td></tr>
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I love Kitty, my Brother CS6000i. She is the machine who helped me learn and fall in love with sewing and quilting. She showed me how easy and satisfying it can be to make something beautiful. She has her own set of fancy stitches. And, perhaps her best feature, she is so lightweight! An excellent travel companion.<br />
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But Kitty has her flaws. She struggles with accuracy. Her throat space and lighting are lacking. I've fiddled with her thread tension endlessly, sometimes to no avail. She's kept pace with me as best as she can, but it's time to make room for a new family member.<br />
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Yes, it is a very good day to be snowed in. A VERY good day!<br />
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Okay, I've got to go now. Kim Gordon and I are still getting acquainted. But so far I can say this: her name suits her. She is <a href="http://sheshredsmag.com/blog/im-not-a-musician-an-interview-with-kim-gordon" target="_blank">BADASS</a>.<br />
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<br />cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8935592380333182825.post-9832155165643546582015-02-17T07:19:00.001-08:002015-02-17T07:19:31.948-08:00The Big UpdateI'm having a hard time writing this update. So I am just going to paste in the email I sent to a few friends last night. I'm feeling different today, but I can't talk about it just yet. So this will have to do for now. Happy snow day. Xoxo<div><br></div><div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Hi all--</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I'll cut to the chase: I start chemo next week. I feel... Okay. Alternating between fine and angry. Did some angry sewing earlier (a baby quilt--hope it doesn't pass on to the baby!). Drank some wine. Ate some chocolate. It helps a little.</span><div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br>The cancer is stage 1 (0-4 scale; my type starts at 1 because it is considered invasive so stage 1 is the best I could hope for), so I am starting with a great prognosis. They now do personalized testing to determine risk of recurrence and responsiveness to additional treatment. This is the testing I've been waiting on since surgery.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I scored 25 on the oncotype test (read more here: <a href="http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/testing/types/oncotype_dx">http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/testing/types/oncotype_dx</a>), which is right in the middle of the "intermediate" (ambiguous) range. So I have a 16% chance of cancer recurring (elsewhere) if I do tamoxifen (standard, hormonal therapy for my kind of cancer) alone, or I can add chemo and reduce the risk to maybe 10-11%. In other words, if i just do tamoxifen, there's an 84% chance I will be cancer free in 10 years. If I add chemo, 90% chance I'll be cancer free. It doesn't sound like much of a difference, but it is much easier to treat and "cure" it now than to wait and treat a cancer that may develop. Because once it is elsewhere... You know the rest. (And while it wasn't in my lymph nodes, there's no guarantee they just didn't see a cell...)</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br>As Husband quipped, it's like going from a B to an A-. Which was both funny and helpful because I am definitely the person who would go for the A- over a B! Heck, let's try for the A.<br><br>Anyway, the doctor offered us time to consider, another mtg to discuss, but I said let's just do it. Get it done! I asked if he would encourage his daughter to do it and he said, I think sincerely, yes. So I had blood drawn today and next week I'll have a port put in and then <a href="x-apple-data-detectors://0" x-apple-data-detectors="true" x-apple-data-detectors-type="calendar-event" x-apple-data-detectors-result="0">next Thursday</a> I start. Assuming my plastic surgeon clears me (but we assume so because I am 4weeks post surgery this Wednesday).<br><br>We met the social worker. She gave us books for the boys which we probably won't use; "mommy has cancer" is not a sentence I want to say out loud. Mommy needs medicine and will have a bald head, fine. But I want to laugh about how funny that is. I am not dying, I don't feel sick. And they are LITTLE! Too little. So we are going to normalize it as much as possible. <br><br>We saw the infusion room which is a big room with chairs around the perimeter. The infusions take <a href="x-apple-data-detectors://3" x-apple-data-detectors="true" x-apple-data-detectors-type="calendar-event" x-apple-data-detectors-result="3">@3-4</a> hours! The doctor said how I react to the first one will likely be how I react to future infusions. So that's good to know. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I will have 4 infusions -- the least they do. There is roughly three weeks in between each one so it'll be about 12 weeks until I'm done. <br><br>I don't know when I'll lose my hair. A few weeks in, I assume. I get a prescription for a good wig. Bald for my 40th! <br><br>After chemo I will start the tamoxifen and take it until my ovaries and tubes come out. (Most women take it 5-10 years but I won't need it if I have no ovaries producing hormones.)<br><br>Thanks for all of your calls, visits, letters, emails, food, carpooling, babysitting, etc. I am so grateful. Thanks, as well, for treating me like a normal person. I won't make it through this if we can't laugh, if we can't have fun. My family won't make it through if we don't laugh and have fun! I don't want to cry over my lost hair (although I probably will). I do want to yell about it, and then I want to laugh about it. So you better be ready to crack some jokes and try on some wigs with me!</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Love, c</span></div></div></div><div><div><div><div><br></div><div><br></div></div></div></div></div>cassandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04119563929014730579noreply@blogger.com0