Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Fabric Frenzy

A favorite pile.
Quilt Market was last week. I've never been, will probably not go (being an amateur quilter and all -- level one forever, baby). Still, it's hard to ignore: for days all of my feeds were full of Quilt Market photos, fabric launches, fabric purchases, fabric designers, fabric giveaways, fabric, fabric, fabric. It was too much, really. Don't get me wrong, I love fabric! I love print and color and seeing what people are making. Yet I am increasingly feeling overwhelmed by all of it, and no longer sure what my likes and dislikes are. 

My Guild, DCMQG, is in the middle of a zipper pouch swap. Swaps are nerve-wracking, in my opinion (what if they don't like what I make?! What if they request something beyond my skills?! What if...?!), but I'm challenging myself to be a participator because I love this Guild. Anyway, swaps always get me thinking about my favorite designers and fabrics and whether I could name one print as being my absolute favorite.

Could you? Do you have a favorite fabric?

When I started sewing I fell madly in love with Anna Maria Horner and her Field Study and Loulouthi lines. The throw quilt that sits on my bed remains my favorite quilt. I've started re-stashing many of the prints because the quilt brings me so much joy. Along the way, though, I've realized there are a few prints I can do without. And while I love all of them together, I'm not sure I could single out one print as my favorite.  

Pilar on her (our) favorite quilt.

I used to get so much joy out of fantasy fabric shopping. I'd visit my favorite online shops and fill up my cart with all of the prints. Echino, Anna Maria Horner, Lizzy House, Michael Miller novelty prints (I am a sucker for a good novelty print)... I still do this, usually lured in by a good sale, but it's more stressful and less fun. I am hyper-aware of how much fabric I've accumulated (still a fairly small stash, I think/hope), and I'm self-conscious about my choices. Do I love it, or is it just a fad? I'm often not sure.

At the last DCMQG meeting I sat next to Mary Fons (Mary Fons!). She was working on a beautiful baby quilt of tiny nine-patches, sashed in black. Her fabrics were small-scale prints, the sort of prints I don't usually buy. Her quilting style is so unequivocally hers, it got me thinking about my own style and taste. And there I was, blazing through the quilting on a self-described rush job -- a baby quilt I had whipped up quickly without much consideration for design. And the quilt I showed to the group? My Cotton + Steel plus quilt, still in progress. I was a little embarrassed by how faddish it seemed.

So I've realized: I've been coasting through my quilting. Making without a lot of intention, rushing to the finish (I love the finish). Don't get my wrong, I've made a lot of beautiful things and I am proud of them. I've chosen some really lovely fabrics. And my sewing has improved with the practice I've gotten from all of this making. But I think it's time to find my quilting voice.

I've started cutting the fabric for a quilt that will be a gift to a dear family member. I took a lot of time deciding on the pattern ("Boxed In" by Julie Herman of Jaybird Quilts, included in her book Skip the Borders), and I love the fabric I've chosen (Priory Square by Katy Jones) and I know she will, too.

Getting things squared away. Ha! 

But once I finish this project, I'm going to take a break from projects with self-imposed deadlines. I'm going to try to take some time to experiment and make what I love, and sew what I have. Which probably means a lot of simple patchwork with squares. For starters, I'm imagining a very large, king-sized quilt of 10-inch squares of my favorite Anna Maria Horner prints... OK, I admit it, I pulled that pile pictured at the top of this post expressly for the King quilt project. Seeing all the colors together makes me so happy. I should also finish my Greatest Hits scrap quilt. Greatest Hits = many favorites. And I'd like to finish the aforementioned Cotton + Steel plus quilt. It's not ALL Anna Maria Horner around here, after all. Heck, I've got a really pretty pile of Natural History by Lizzy House that is destined for M's bed, you know, when I get to it. And one thing I'm sure about? HE will love it.

So, OK, I have some favorite designers, and maybe some favorite fabric combinations. I even have a favorite quilt. But I haven't found my one favorite fabric yet. Let me know if you find yours. I might try applying Marie Kondo's rules and ask myself of each print in my stash: Does this fabric spark my joy? It just might work.



Monday, May 18, 2015

Come On, Get Happy!




My little guy is always looking for a smile. "You happy, mommy?" he asks. "Yes, I'm happy!" I reply, no matter what I was just thinking or if I was frowning. He grins and hugs me, and I am healed. In those moments I remember it really can be that easy to be happy.

And I am really happy. Do you see the bow I am wearing?! Is it not amazing?!



2015 has already been a pretty big year, between my surgery and treatments, turning 40, and celebrating 15 great years with the Husband. Through it all we've been surrounded by love and friendship. The really, really good stuff. My job continues to be amazing, stimulating and supportive. Our house is a home. My family is healthy and happy. My head is surprisingly round and smooth, and chemo made my skin beautiful! I have many reasons to be happy.

So this weekend we celebrated life and love with a party that brought our friends together, new and old. My brother, sister and brother-in-law drove down to be with us. I hired a dear friend, Lisa at This Calls for a Party, to plan and host the event. And we partied! (A little too hard, if we're honest -- yesterday was a sloooooow day.) My one regret is that we couldn't bring ALL of our friends together.

My cancer diagnosis was really, really shitty. Chemo was really, really shitty. Surgery was no picnic. The doctors appointments continue to seem endless. There are two more surgeries and a lifetime of surveillance ahead of me. It wouldn't be hard to focus on the pain, the inconvenience, the what-ifs... But I refuse to be held hostage by fear. So when H asks if I'm happy, I smile. And magically, I am transported to happiness.

You happy? 

Saturday, May 2, 2015

Digging a little deeper -- on community

I joined the BRCA Sisterhood, a private Facebook group for women who have a BRCA mutation or other hereditary breast or ovarian cancer(s). 

I know, I just said the other day that I wasn't looking to connect with other survivors. 

But the conversation I had with my colleague has stayed with me. Why have I resisted connecting with other women going through similar experiences?

I was afraid to admit this, but I think in part I fear being surrounded by cancer. I don't want cancer to define me, and yes--I am afraid of cancer. I want to run as far away from it, as fast as I can. 

A few weekends ago I attended my first DC Modern Quilt Guild meeting of the year. I joined the Guild almost two years ago but hadn't mentally committed to participate until recently. Earlier this year I started engaging with other members on Instagram. They embraced me, even though only a few could probably remember ever meeting me! And when I started documenting my cancer journey, they supported me. The Guild President sent me coffee and fabric for a head scarf. The Vice President reached out by email to check on me. And members cheered me on as I moved from surgery to chemo to recovery.

Attending the meeting in April felt like a homecoming. I nearly burst into tears, walking into the room, hugging friends I hadn't met in person before. Community is amazing. 

That's the thing I do need: community. And I am grateful to have found it in different places--work, home, with friends, online, at DCMQG. Within these communities are, of course, other survivors. But the nature of our community is different. Our relationships aren't defined by cancer. That feels significant. 

I don't know what my participation will be like in the BRCA Sisterhood... but I am going to give it a try. Already it is clear that the group provides tremendous support to each other, to women at all stages of the journey. They are there if I need them and heck, I may have something to offer as well.

I haven't figured it all out, but I'm getting there. It's a process, right?